This is another of my sporadic motherhood posts that I sometimes feel compelled to share. I have been thinking lately and had some new ideas that I thought might be of interest to my fellow moms out there.
Soren and I bought a book a while back that has questions to ask each other that will hopefully promote interesting discussions and getting to know each other better. We have liked using it and learned some new things. The other night we had a question that really got both of us thinking and kind of bothered. The question was, “What quality do you currently possess that you most want your children to imitate when they grow up?” WOW. Talk about a self reflective question. We both struggled to answer it because it seems like in the past we have been really strong in certain qualities, but since having kids those strengths have weakened. I honestly almost couldn’t of any area of my life where I would wish my level of strength on my kids. Does that make sense? I guess I realized I need to do better because I want more for my kids than I am achieving right now.
Anyways after pondering this for a while I had a totally new idea that really helped me feel like this problem was fixable. When I was growing up I had a list of qualities that I was looking for in a husband. I kept it for years and sometimes added to it. I knew that if I wanted to find a guy that added up to that list, I needed to work on that list of traits for myself. So really the list was more of a goal list for me than a recipe for the perfect guy. Anyways after getting married and having kids, my goal list kind of disappeared in general. I mean it kind of feels like you have “made it”. So far I haven’t made any new, BIG, near future, next 10 years goals. It often feels like I am living day to day, naptime to naptime.
So, when I thought about this question of what I want my kids to be like, I thought about that future-husband list. And I made a future-kid list. What do I want for my kids? What qualities and traits do I hope they have and achieve? What do I want to be important to them? This was really good for me to spell out and identify specifics. I’m sure I’ll be adding to this list too. But my point is that I have no idea how my kids will turn out, but I do know that my example will be their guide. I plan on turning that list for my kids around on myself. If I can work on all of those things and be who I hope my kids will be, I know I will have done everything in my power to teach them. This list gives me a new goals and adds a new depth to mothering for me. I feel motivated to be better for them than I would be on my own.